Bribery is Easy, Parenting Isn't 

Have you ever bribed your children with sweet treats to get them to do something? Let’s face it, we have all done this before. I’ll be the first one to say I have done this until I realized why I should stop the cycle.

In schools, sporting clubs, and other activities where children are involved, people reward children with candy and other unhealthy snacks. There are even popular lesson plans used in schools that include using M&M’s or Skittles; after the children use the treats for their lesson, they get to eat them as their reward. In American society, this has now become the norm. Go to the barbershop and Johnny gets a treat because he sat so nicely for his haircut. Go to dance class and little Mary gets a piece of candy at the end of class. Go to the bank and Joey gets a lollipop for being a good boy in the bank. It goes on and on. The people that assume that this is okay think, “What’s the big deal?”. This may even be you! I will tell you why this is such a big deal. This is affecting our children both physically and emotionally.  

According to the office of the US Surgeon General, the number of overweight children has more than tripled over the past three decades. This constant cycle of treating and rewarding with sweets has now contributed to the highest rates of childhood obesity we have ever seen. Why should people care? I don’t know about you, but I want to see the next generation of children have to deal with less disease instead of more. With the rates of childhood obesity climbing, this means that these obese children will be more likely to develop obesity-related conditions which include heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and certain types of cancer. All of these diseases are the leading causes of preventable, premature death. If this isn’t alarming, I don't know what is.

 I know people mean well. But times have changed, and things have changed for the worse when it comes to what foods we are consuming. Due to the introduction of processed convenience foods into grocery stores, added sugars are now hidden in approximately 74% of packaged foods. So while people may not think it is a big deal, the fact is that children, as well as adults, are eating way too much added sugar! Back in the year 1822, the average American consumed about 45g of sugar every five days (the amount in a 12oz can of soda). Today, that number is more than 756g!  We are consuming way more sugar than our bodies are equipped to handle.

Rewarding children with treats also affects them mentally. Were you aware that heavy sugar consumption is linked to depression and also worsens symptoms of schizophrenia? When we reward children with candy and other junk food, we are programming them to comfort themselves with these junk foods. Emotional eating is probably the single biggest issue that contributes to obesity in adults and children, but it is rarely discussed. It is the reason many people run to food to feel better.

Think about your own eating. Are you grabbing that box of cookies or ice cream because you are hungry or are you doing it for another reason? Food is meant to be used as fuel for our bodies. There are times we confuse cravings with true hunger both as children and adults. Real hunger is not selective like a craving.  If we are truly hungry, we eat almost anything provided to us. We all need to think twice about tying food to a sense of accomplishment and about equating giving a treat to being good or taking food away for being bad.  

Recently, I had a conversation with my niece who is in kindergarten. She told me that the teacher told her class that because many of the kids in the class are being “bad” this week, the teacher told them that they were not going to have a Valentine’s Day party at school. The Valentine’s Day party that involves candy and other sugary “treats.” This is something that happens regularly. Do you see the message we are sending children when we bribe them in this way? If you are bad, you don’t get the sugary treats. Bribing kids with food or threatening them with taking food away are both ineffective ways to get children to do something. In the long run, when you do this, you are taking away the children's ability to take ownership of their own actions by tying their behavior, whether good or bad, to extrinsic rewards.

It is important also to note that there are an estimated 5.6 million children in America under the age of 18 with food allergies. That is one in thirteen children and equates to about 2 kids in every classroom. There are also more than 170 foods that have been reported to cause allergies. Yet in schools and other child involved activities, food is still given out freely by teachers and parents. Why is there such a need to bring food into these settings? Is it really worth the risk to a child? By introducing foods into a classroom setting, you are also sending the subliminal message, again maybe not intentionally, that these children don't deserve the same "treat" like everyone else. Children with food allergies do not like to be singled out because they have an allergy. If we can look at the bigger picture here and realize that when we take food out of the equation, it causes less harm to children physically and emotionally. We must put children’s health first before our own adult emotional connection with foods in these situations.

The next time, you teach a class or have the opportunity to give a little gift to a child or group of children, I hope you consider these facts. Not only does offering a sweet treat without permission from the parent undermine a parents’ ability to get their children to do what is expected of them without rewarding, but it is also making children sicker than ever before, both physically and mentally. Let's all work together to stop this vicious cycle.

No one ever said being a parent was easy. It is the hardest job in the world, and teaching children can at times be equally as hard. If we want to reward children in this day in age, we need to reward them with our time. Our lives are busy, and the best reward any child can get is our attention and unconditional love. It is all of these little things we do every day that matter. Even though bribery is the easy way, it is not the best path for us to take.

I will leave you a couple of useful resources available on Amazon that I found for parents and educators. Both of these books offer great techniques to help discipline children without rewards.

For parents and educators:

For educators: